For Wives Who Are Considering Being Shared
The situation: Your husband has expressed that he would like to open up the sexual aspect of your marriage, to include another man, and you are likely confused by this, and are initially opposed to the idea.
Books can be written about "why would he want this?!". For brevity, here are some key things you probably should know, before you shut the door on it.
1. He isnt angling for another woman. Think about it. He wouldn't need to involve you, or alert you, if he just wanted to be with another woman. Men don't think like that. He wouldn't ask for permission or manipulate you. He'd just do the man thing. He'd cheat and hope to not get caught.
2. He isn't necessarily trying to come out as gay or bi. This isn't about sexual orientation, its about submission and dominance. He is likely very turned on, by being more sexually submissive- to you and/or another more dominant man in the bedroom. It's his secret that he's sharing with you, and he wouldn't share it with anyone else. He is expressing to you that he is excited by sexual acts of being "submissive", "helpless" or "not in control".. in the bedroom. It's true that most of us get off on the things which are the opposite of what we are, in everyday life. We just aren't "allowed to". So- it is very common for men who are very masculine, or in control of everything in day to day life, to desire sexual submission in the privacy of their bedroom, and having their life partner accept it and embrace it; that makes it better for him. You may decide that it is awesome that your husband is open to offering an opportunity to enjoy both him as your dedicated life partner- plus side benefits that other wives might kill for.
3. It doesn't have to become a "swinger" lifestyle. Yes, there are some couples who become full blown swingers if they both want to, and you probably know some but don't know that they do it. But many more indulge in a less open and private way. Maybe having one trusted guest on a repeat basis. Some just incorporate it on vacations or a hotel room for a night as a mutual get away; the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" (or Oshkosh) kind of thing. It can remain a private secret that you and your husband share, on occasion or you can join networks. But its all in how you both prefer it.
4. It doesn't necessarily "ruin (or save) your marriage": The effect 100% depends on why a couple enters into it, and how they communicate about it ongoing. On one hand, if it is to enhance the sexual aspect of the relationship, spice it up, make it a little dirtier, or to meet one another's sexual needs, or ..just to enjoy the play together, many couples find it is a big plus. The expression "The couple who plays together, stays together" is usually very true. On the other hand, if your marriage is in trouble before you start, and its a way to "save it", it will surely do the opposite. Don't do it to save the marriage. Don't do it if there is any abuse in the marriage, either physical, emotional or substance. Get counseling instead.
5. You wont necessarily fall in love, and even if you do, so what. We're taught that we can only be with, or be in love with, one person forever. But human nature is the opposite of this. We love all our k**s. Our friends. Our spouse. So couples probably should set up some guardrails at first. And always be talking together about it. Look, as a human being, you will probably really like the sexual pleasure from a man other than your husband ,and will likely want to get it more, and know more about the guy who fucks you so good. It's natural and normal. But it doesn't mean you have to choose him or your husband. Your lover is an enhancement, not a replacement. We can all love more than one person for different reasons. Having a man you love and live with, who you share life with, AND a man who you love in a different way- for the fucking he gives you- is not a bad thing. The personality traits and reasons that he fucks you so well are often the very same reasons that he wouldn't be a great partner to live with.
6. My husband thinks he wants it ..but he will be too jealous: Yes your husband will likely have to deal with some jealousy at first. That's part of the whole thing. It's insecurity. Its new. It has another man. It has you. Its natural and normal, not marriage ending.. But, how you handle it is key. At first, you have to work a bit. In the beginning, its best to reassure him a LOT, verbally, and give him emotional appreciations. Tell him how much he means to you. Tell him , verbally, that the marriage is more important to you. Tell him you like the play but you prefer him to be your partner. Despite all this, do remember that he will be looking for betrayal, just because he feels insecure. He may be sneaking to check your phone for all the cheating and betrayals and that guy stealing you.. that he imagines in his head. This all goes away over time. Be patient. He's just scared of losing you. It's the only price you have, in order to experience things that other wives would kill to have. So, at first, the advice is to keep all communications between you and the other man transparent even though it feels like you're being "controlled". It is a step, it goes away! As he becomes more secure, the jealousy fades, and then it really gets fun for everyone. There's zillions of examples of wives meeting lovers and calling their husbands at work, to listen in. Or the lover sending him videos of fucking you. And hubby coming home with a hard on for you. But it does take some patience, reassurance and.. well..work..to get where he wants to go with you.
Heres a video on how to start slowly, Step by step.
https://rs.xhamstervideo.net/videos/cuckold-marriage-training-13958426
Books can be written about "why would he want this?!". For brevity, here are some key things you probably should know, before you shut the door on it.
1. He isnt angling for another woman. Think about it. He wouldn't need to involve you, or alert you, if he just wanted to be with another woman. Men don't think like that. He wouldn't ask for permission or manipulate you. He'd just do the man thing. He'd cheat and hope to not get caught.
2. He isn't necessarily trying to come out as gay or bi. This isn't about sexual orientation, its about submission and dominance. He is likely very turned on, by being more sexually submissive- to you and/or another more dominant man in the bedroom. It's his secret that he's sharing with you, and he wouldn't share it with anyone else. He is expressing to you that he is excited by sexual acts of being "submissive", "helpless" or "not in control".. in the bedroom. It's true that most of us get off on the things which are the opposite of what we are, in everyday life. We just aren't "allowed to". So- it is very common for men who are very masculine, or in control of everything in day to day life, to desire sexual submission in the privacy of their bedroom, and having their life partner accept it and embrace it; that makes it better for him. You may decide that it is awesome that your husband is open to offering an opportunity to enjoy both him as your dedicated life partner- plus side benefits that other wives might kill for.
3. It doesn't have to become a "swinger" lifestyle. Yes, there are some couples who become full blown swingers if they both want to, and you probably know some but don't know that they do it. But many more indulge in a less open and private way. Maybe having one trusted guest on a repeat basis. Some just incorporate it on vacations or a hotel room for a night as a mutual get away; the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" (or Oshkosh) kind of thing. It can remain a private secret that you and your husband share, on occasion or you can join networks. But its all in how you both prefer it.
4. It doesn't necessarily "ruin (or save) your marriage": The effect 100% depends on why a couple enters into it, and how they communicate about it ongoing. On one hand, if it is to enhance the sexual aspect of the relationship, spice it up, make it a little dirtier, or to meet one another's sexual needs, or ..just to enjoy the play together, many couples find it is a big plus. The expression "The couple who plays together, stays together" is usually very true. On the other hand, if your marriage is in trouble before you start, and its a way to "save it", it will surely do the opposite. Don't do it to save the marriage. Don't do it if there is any abuse in the marriage, either physical, emotional or substance. Get counseling instead.
5. You wont necessarily fall in love, and even if you do, so what. We're taught that we can only be with, or be in love with, one person forever. But human nature is the opposite of this. We love all our k**s. Our friends. Our spouse. So couples probably should set up some guardrails at first. And always be talking together about it. Look, as a human being, you will probably really like the sexual pleasure from a man other than your husband ,and will likely want to get it more, and know more about the guy who fucks you so good. It's natural and normal. But it doesn't mean you have to choose him or your husband. Your lover is an enhancement, not a replacement. We can all love more than one person for different reasons. Having a man you love and live with, who you share life with, AND a man who you love in a different way- for the fucking he gives you- is not a bad thing. The personality traits and reasons that he fucks you so well are often the very same reasons that he wouldn't be a great partner to live with.
6. My husband thinks he wants it ..but he will be too jealous: Yes your husband will likely have to deal with some jealousy at first. That's part of the whole thing. It's insecurity. Its new. It has another man. It has you. Its natural and normal, not marriage ending.. But, how you handle it is key. At first, you have to work a bit. In the beginning, its best to reassure him a LOT, verbally, and give him emotional appreciations. Tell him how much he means to you. Tell him , verbally, that the marriage is more important to you. Tell him you like the play but you prefer him to be your partner. Despite all this, do remember that he will be looking for betrayal, just because he feels insecure. He may be sneaking to check your phone for all the cheating and betrayals and that guy stealing you.. that he imagines in his head. This all goes away over time. Be patient. He's just scared of losing you. It's the only price you have, in order to experience things that other wives would kill to have. So, at first, the advice is to keep all communications between you and the other man transparent even though it feels like you're being "controlled". It is a step, it goes away! As he becomes more secure, the jealousy fades, and then it really gets fun for everyone. There's zillions of examples of wives meeting lovers and calling their husbands at work, to listen in. Or the lover sending him videos of fucking you. And hubby coming home with a hard on for you. But it does take some patience, reassurance and.. well..work..to get where he wants to go with you.
Heres a video on how to start slowly, Step by step.
https://rs.xhamstervideo.net/videos/cuckold-marriage-training-13958426
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