My tentitive conclusions regarding shemales.

All I'm trying to do here is set down how I really feel about chicks with dicks, fembois, shemales, sissies, etc.
When I was younger I was fascinated with shemales. To me, the ultimate experience would be to get a shemale to suck my dick and then let me fuck her ass. For one thing, I've always had a hard time getting to orgasm from oral. I assumed it was because young girls just didn't know how to suck it like I like. I had one gf who blew me for like 45 minutes or an hour. I blew and she swallowed it all. She was so irritated because it took so long and she never really attempted that again. It was good but really I still felt like it shouldn't be that difficult. I never considered the fact that masterbating at least daily could be the problem.
Ass fucking seemed like fun also. It seems like it was easier to find a real girl who would let me fuck her ass, than it was to find one that could blow me. Still rare though. The couple times I tried it, I fucking loved it. I think I had anal sex on my mind simply because I thought I had a small dick, and a tight anal opening would work better than a soaking wet, sloppy pussy.
The real difference though, is the dick.
I had gfs who would at least attempt to suck my dick, and a few who'd let me in the back, but still I was obsessed with shemales. When I let a girl peg me I knew the worm had turned. The dick was what I was missing. Without that, the whole thing is meaningless. As much time as I spent masterbating anally, I guess it should've been obvious.
I realized I loved dick, but wasn't attracted to men. A shemale was a perfect solution, but I have encountered several problems.
For one thing, most cds, or regular shemales I've encountered only wanted to be on the bottom, and wouldn't even let me pretend their dicks were big boi clits. In that scenario, I could've just as easily found a freaky chick that would let me do whatever.
No, the dick was what I really wanted. Even in a slave/master relationship, where I was the boss, I needed to sit on my gurls cock to get my pleasure. I found I'd really enjoy being fucked with a toy while being blown.
Twinks excite the hell out of me also. I think I'd like to fuck a young looking man and be a daddy to him, but I'd still like him to grab me by the hips and drill me, and let me suck my ass juices off of him.
Nasty, right?
Alot of craigslist tv/ts ads are fakes, hookers, or closet cds who lose their nerve before a hook up. I guess some guys just want the excitement of hooking up, they cum, and then change their minds. I just wish they came to that conclusion before I burn half a tank of gas to go meet.
Again, I've found that non-pro shemales or cds only want to be in a sub fem role.
Obviously I'd like to be dominated by a girl, gurl, boi, shemale, cd etc.or at least let me be vers. Sometimes I think the only type of tv or ts that would do that is a pro. Maybe I'm wrong.
The truth is though, that now I like cock so much, that I really don't need the fem illusion to get into it. It's all about the cock. I find that labels top and bottom don't really work for me because I want to be on both sides of the equation.
Maybe I've always liked shemales because secretly I wanted to be one, even though physically I don't think that works for me. I'd make an unacceptably ugly gurl.
Sure do like shedick tho.